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All reviews - Movies (43)

Inchon review

Posted : 2 years, 7 months ago on 12 June 2020 05:12 (A review of Inchon)

You know a movie is gonna be bad when it warns that the events depicted in this fictional movie are fictional, but that’s the least of the problems with the over-budget, over-directed, and overly long wet blanket war epic Inchon. The movie takes place during the Communist overthrow in Korea and the Battle of Inchon in 1950. It also throws in stories involving Barbara (Jacqueline Bassett) driving through South Korea with orphan children to meet her ex-husband Lt. Hallsworth (Ben Gazzara) and Douglas MacArthur (Laurence Olivier) setting up plans for battle and raiding a lighthouse to signal the battleships. I guess Terence Young was trying to channel David Lean with a giant cast of extras in grand sets and landscapes, but in Inchon, the story and subplots connect so little it feels more like a pilot for a 1950’s TV show than a movie. However, the cornball melodrama, overabundance on pyrotechnic effects, and horrendous writing makes it more on par with the material for B-movies. More problems: the Korean invasion scenes tie very little to what’s going on in the story, the battle sequences seem randomly scattered for no coherent reason, every extra overacts when blown up, and the love story is meaningless. Worst of all, when MacArthur showed up thirty minutes in, the movie seemed to jump ship on one story and steer focus to another, almost as if the screenwriter forgot who the main characters were and wanted to mimic Patton. Well to my knowledge, Laurence Olivier is no George C. Scott and Robin Moore and Laird Koenig are no Francis Ford Coppola and Edmund H. North, either. To compare Inchon to Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor would be an extraordinary insult, as Mr. Bay has more respect for explosions and knows how to keep his schlocky storylines consistently. Inchon, on the other hand, is a complete messy disaster from start to finish.

(1 Corn Cob Pipe out of 5)


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Mommie Dearest review

Posted : 2 years, 7 months ago on 12 June 2020 05:08 (A review of Mommie Dearest)

Based on one of the most controversial memoirs of all time, Mommie Dearest is based on the relationship between Academy Award-winning Hollywood actress Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) and her adopted daughter Christina (Diana Scarwid). Both the movie and the book expose the mother as an alcoholic domineering control freak whose film career is hanging on a loose thread. Without going too much into detail about which parts are fabricated or otherwise, I believe that Mommie Dearest needed to be more about Christina than her mother, trekking deeper through her psychosis and emotional struggle. Frank Perry could have had Christina in her apartment writing the story and giving visual context to her childhood trauma to the viewers. Instead, the movie plays like a traditional biopic that shows events that happened to Joan Crawford and exploits the melodramatic child abuse scenes. However, when it gets to the sentimental and quieter parts, the movie feels tone-deaf and empty because the audience gets distracted by the shocking scenes as well as Faye Dunaway’s laughable overacting. Speaking of distractions, the movie left me with serious questions such as, “Why would Joan tie her adoptive son Christopher to the bed with a parachute strap?” and “Who would allow 10-year-old Christina to serve alcohol behind the bar?” Maybe those instances happened in real life, but you don’t just brush away such mean-spirited plot details as minor quirks and never bring them up again. When you do, you create lazy exploitation, especially in a movie centered on child abuse. With that said, not only is Mommie Dearest a tonally uneven film, but also a gigantic waste of opportunity.

(1 ½ Wire Hangers out of 5)


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Can't Stop the Music review

Posted : 2 years, 7 months ago on 12 June 2020 05:06 (A review of Can't Stop the Music)

Did you know The Village People were in a loose biopic about their band origin? Well, it’s not very good, but it found some form of an audience in recent years, not just from fans of said musical group but also of campy early 80’s schlock. Can’t Stop the Music focuses on an aspired record manager Jack Morell (Steve Guttenberg) who forms the disco band called The Village People. However, because New York City record deals don’t sit well for band members dressed in silly costumes like a Native American, a construction worker, a leatherhead, and a policeman, they move to San Francisco and become an instant sensation. Meanwhile, there’s a love triangle of sorts between Steve, the Marrakech Records agent (Paul Sand), Sam, a former model who contributes with the band (Valerie Perrine), and Ron, a St. Louis lawyer (Caitlyn Jenner). Despite being enjoyable in camp (especially with the Village People tunes), Can’t Stop the Music doesn’t have much of a complete coherent narrative, most of the comedic scenes go nowhere, and the song sequences seemed to be littered sporadically and go on for too long, unlike the ones from All That Jazz. On top of that, Caitlyn Jenner comes off as a ham from start to finish, always pushing his/her emotions in the most notorious manners, whether getting robbed by an old woman, breaking up with Sam, or having soup spilled on his/her legs. Screenwriter and producer Allan Carr proudly claimed him/her as the next Ann Margret or Robert Redford, but Jenner obviously can’t compete with any SAG-level of talent even on a track race. The main purpose of this movie is to promote Village People songs and capitalize further on their success without adding much substance. While these songs are catchy, the rest of the movie isn’t.

(1 ½ Milkshakes with Native American headdresses out of 5)


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